Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
