so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
