she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
