well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
