peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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