Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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