if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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