i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
