You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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