We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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