We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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