Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
