Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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