i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
