I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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