Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
