is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
