HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
