no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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