I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
