I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
