Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
