And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
