And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
