Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
