Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
