youre lurking in front of me
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
