They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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