Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
