Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
