You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
