It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
