If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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