Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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