the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
