and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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