May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
