Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
