I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
