I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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