You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize