Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
