making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Terrible idea I love it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
