Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
