I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
