just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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