i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he fucked my hip out of place.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
