hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
