If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
