So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize