Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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