hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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