and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
