I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i need an iv and a liver transplant
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
