Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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