Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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