I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
