My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
