Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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