You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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