Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
