My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize